Archive for ‘General Nonsense’

January 11, 2014

The Story of My Creativity (Sort of)

charlie the invisible thingI’ve already spoken about the crazy, creativity-stifling art teacher who bollocked me for drawing “New Life” (her brief) in the shape of a plant metamorphosing into a man, well, she wasn’t the only one as I was growing up.

When I was about 11 we all created “Charlie” stories. We each picked an inanimate object, called it Charlie, and wrote about its adventures. So my classmates invented, Charlie the Spoon, Charlie the Bucket, Charlie the Pair of Curtains etc.

They were boring as shit.

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October 15, 2012

You just don’t ‘get’ Science Fiction

Mentioning my novel is going to be science fiction generates strange looks in my direction.

People don’t understand science fiction.

Robots, aliens and technology by itself is space adventure, not science fiction.

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September 27, 2012

Fifty Shades of Terrible Writing

Writing Erotic fiction is easy:

The plowing of my fudge factory was so vigorous, he soon found his jingle-jangle jewellery joining his spunk-filled spam rocket deep in my vintage golf bag.

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September 24, 2012

The Avatars v Wigan Warriors

From 2002-2004 I was the frontman of The Avatars; the most incendiary punk-rock act this side of Billinge. Our gigs were 100MPH affairs with songs about Darth Vader, and the set was often littered with bad jokes about one-legged trampolining midgets smeared in custard.

Basically, we were sonic diarrhoea.

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